Ahem…Get Out of My Inbox!

spam

My inbox is growing to the point where I dread checking my email. In hopes of saving an extra 10% on my order, mostly on sites I don’t even purchase from, I can barely find the communications of interest.

Then there are the demons that lure me into handing over said address in hopes of winning 500 pounds of worms, $5000 a week for life or a case of scotch. The worms and cash I actually want, but I don’t even drink scotch. Alas, I’m a sucker for a good (or bad) contest and am amazed when I don’t win.

Next in line are all the clothing websites tempting me with their BLOWOUT END OF SEASON SALES! (it’s the bold yelling in capitals that renders me powerless not to hand over my information). “Click for an additional 40% off all clearance items!” This is how my children have become the proud owners of 27 cardigans, 19 pairs of tights, 8 nightgowns and a weird assorted outerwear they’ll never use. Damn you Children’s Place! Don’t even get me started on Old Navy. Seriously, they should be buying me birthday and Christmas gifts for all the shopping I do as a result of their relentless pursuit.

As an avid reader, I also sign up on all the bargain book sites like Bookbub, E-Reader News Today and Bookperk, along with 14 others. I save all of their communications to peruse when I have the time, which is usually long after the sale has ended. There are currently 28 still awaiting my attention.

And God forbid you send someone flowers, marshmallows or a box of pears, once, seven years ago. You will never get these folks to quit hounding you. They are relentless.

When I get to the point where I only have 247 new messages in my inbox, I feel like a rock star of efficiency. That is until someone messages me on Facebook wondering why I never responded to their urgent email regarding something I actually care about. This inevitably leads to opening the dreaded spam folder.

My senses are immediately assaulted as I search for the lost missive. J-dating, Russian brides and walk-in bathtubs await! I’m implored to go to medical filing school, get dental implants and fix my erectile dysfunction! Long lost relatives from Kuala Lumpur beseech my help to send funds in order to gain my unexpected inheritance.

As if my life isn’t full enough with the care of my family, deadlines for new books, the ever-fricking mountain of laundry piling up, the garden to plan and purchase for, children’s extra-curricular activities and grocery shopping. The list never ends. For these reasons, I beg you to lose my email address. Unless you have my express permission, get the hell out of my inbox!

*One small caveat: This does not apply to my readers and fans. I love you and beg you to fill my inbox!

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